Subject: humor for the tax-protest crowd From: david nicol <whatever@davidnicol.com> Message-Id: <1043456146.1121.22.camel@chicago.davidnicol.com> Date: Fri, 24 Jan 2003 18:55:54 -0600
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David Nicol, independent consultant and contractor
Steve Jobs in 2004
attached mail follows:
Message-ID: <3E30436F.5070909@personaltelco.net> From: Adam Shand <adam@personaltelco.net> Subject: [wordup] It seems more plausible Date: Fri, 24 Jan 2003 18:55:54 -0600
Via: Herr Nagengast <todd@gnosh.net>
> IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED : > HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL > > FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH > 202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111 > FAX: 202.456.2461 > > DEAR SIR / MADAM, > > I AM GEORGE WALKER BUSH, SON OF THE FORMER > PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA > GEORGE HERBERT WALKER BUSH, AND CURRENTLY > SERVING AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES > OF AMERICA. THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU > BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT MET NEITHER IN PERSON > NOR BY CORRESPONDENCE. I CAME TO KNOW OF > YOU IN MY SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE > PERSON TO HANDLE A VERY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS > TRANSACTION, WHICH INVOLVES THE TRANSFER OF A > HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO AN ACCOUNT REQUIRING > MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE. > > I AM WRITING YOU IN ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE > PRIMARILY TO SEEK YOUR ASSISTANCE IN > ACQUIRING OIL FUNDS THAT ARE PRESENTLY > TRAPPED IN THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ. MY PARTNERS > AND I SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE IN COMPLETING A > TRANSACTION BEGUN BY MY FATHER, WHO HAS LONG BEEN > ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN THE EXTRACTION OF PETROLEUM IN > THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND BRAVELY SERVED HIS > COUNTRY AS DIRECTOR OF THE UNITED STATES > CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY. > > IN THE DECADE OF THE NINETEEN-EIGHTIES, > MY FATHER, THEN VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE > UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, SOUGHT TO WORK > WITH THE GOOD OFFICES OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE > REPUBLIC OF IRAQ TO REGAIN LOST OIL REVENUE > SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING ISLAMIC REPUBLIC > OF IRAN. THIS UNSUCCESSFUL VENTURE WAS SOON > FOLLOWED BY A FALLING OUT WITH HIS IRAQI > PARTNER, WHO SOUGHT TO ACQUIRE ADDITIONAL OIL > REVENUE SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING EMIRATE > OF KUWAIT, A WHOLLY-OWNED U.S.-BRITISH > SUBSIDIARY. > > MY FATHER RE-SECURED THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF > KUWAIT IN 1991 AT A COST OF SIXTY-ONE BILLION U.S. > DOLLARS ($61,000,000,000). OUT OF THAT COST, THIRTY-SIX > BILLION DOLLARS ($36,000,000,000) WERE SUPPLIED BY > HIS PARTNERS IN THE KINGDOM OF SAUDI ARABIA > AND OTHER PERSIAN GULF MONARCHIES, AND > SIXTEEN BILLION DOLLARS ($16,000,000,000) BY > GERMAN AND JAPANESE PARTNERS. BUT MY FATHER'S FORMER > IRAQI BUSINESS PARTNER REMAINED IN CONTROL OF > THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ITS PETROLEUM RESERVES. > > MY FAMILY IS CALLING FOR YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE > IN FUNDING THE REMOVAL OF THE PRESIDENT OF > THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND ACQUIRING THE > PETROLEUM ASSETS OF HIS COUNTRY, AS COMPENSATION > FOR THE COSTS OF REMOVING HIM FROM POWER. > UNFORTUNATELY, OUR PARTNERS FROM 1991 ARE NOT > WILLING TO SHOULDER THE BURDEN OF THIS > NEW VENTURE, WHICH IN ITS UPCOMING PHASE > MAY COST THE SUM OF 100 BILLION TO 200 BILLION > DOLLARS ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), > BOTH IN THE INITIAL ACQUISITION AND IN > LONG-TERM MANAGEMENT. > > WITHOUT THE FUNDS FROM OUR 1991 > PARTNERS, WE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO > ACQUIRE THE OIL REVENUE TRAPPED WITHIN IRAQ. > THAT IS WHY MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES > ARE URGENTLY SEEKING YOUR GRACIOUS ASSISTANCE. > OUR DISTINGUISHED COLLEAGUES IN THIS > BUSINESS TRANSACTION INCLUDE THE SITTING > VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES > OF AMERICA, RICHARD CHENEY, WHO IS > AN ORIGINAL PARTNER IN THE IRAQ VENTURE > AND FORMER HEAD OF THE HALLIBURTON OIL > COMPANY, AND CONDOLEEZA RICE, WHOSE > PROFESSIONAL DEDICATION TO THE > VENTURE WAS DEMONSTRATED IN THE NAMING > OF A CHEVRON OIL TANKER AFTER HER. > > I WOULD BESEECH YOU TO TRANSFER A SUM > EQUALING TEN TO TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT > (10-25 %) OF YOUR YEARLY INCOME TO OUR > ACCOUNT TO AID IN THIS IMPORTANT VENTURE. > THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE OF THE > UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WILL FUNCTION > AS OUR TRUSTED INTERMEDIARY. I PROPOSE > THAT YOU MAKE THIS TRANSFER BEFORE > THE FIFTEENTH (15TH) OF THE MONTH OF > APRIL. > > I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE > WOULD MAKE ANYONE APPREHENSIVE AND > WORRIED. BUT I AM ASSURING YOU THAT ALL > WILL BE WELL AT THE END OF THE DAY. A BOLD > STEP TAKEN SHALL NOT BE REGRETTED, > I ASSURE YOU. PLEASE DO BE INFORMED THAT > THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL. > IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO CO-OPERATE > IN THIS TRANSACTION, PLEASE CONTACT OUR > INTERMEDIARY REPRESENTATIVES TO FURTHER > DISCUSS THE MATTER. > > I PRAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OUR PLIGHT. > MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES WILL BE > FOREVER GRATEFUL. PLEASE REPLY > IN STRICT CONFIDENCE TO > THE CONTACT NUMBERS BELOW. > > SINCERELY WITH WARM REGARDS, > > GEORGE WALKER BUSH > > Switchboard: 202.456.1414 > Comments: 202.456.1111 > Fax: 202.456.2461 > Email: <mailto:president@whitehouse.gov>president@whitehouse.gov
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